Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
