My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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