I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
