apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
