Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
