there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
