Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
