Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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