Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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