so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
