I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
