I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
