Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
