dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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