He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just pee around me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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