Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
