I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
