my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We left the knife in your bed.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
