Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
