So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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