if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize