Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
