we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
