how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
