I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
