If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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