i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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