More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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