I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
