So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
