Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she pinky promised me she was 18
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
