been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
