I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
bring money and cleavage
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
