just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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