They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
