i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
