dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
