i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it's like iHOP with fire
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
