Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
oh god the rape fog is back!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't deserve a penis
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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