Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
