Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Say something about gay babies.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
