i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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