He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize