i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
