This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
