I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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