ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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