you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
