I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
