I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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