No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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