I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
