I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize