the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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