Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
