Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
