The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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