hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
