I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
