HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
