Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
