I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
