after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize