pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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