You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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