When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
