i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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